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Ken the Wildman wrote "The Tale of the Mucking King" since ... well, I admit it's crazy ... but that's the kinds of things that what wild men do!


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The Tale of the Mucking King
Copyright Jarmo Koskinen, 2009

Finally the day arrived when the young man was crowned the king. He called his court to tell what his policies would bring. He stood up from his throne and proclaimed, “Mucking is evil; it’s the reason and the blame. People are muckers, you see. But mucking is nasty. It causes people to wiggle and cream. Stop all mucking … I proclaim!”

 His court was aghast, their jaws dropped but they stayed fast. “Your Highness,” said the Chief Lord, “If people stop mucking your kingdom will be shorn.”
“You worry too much,”
said the king. “Who is it that commits crimes but those who were born? If you say they’re not people, then I’ll scream.”
“But Your Highness, without people … you couldn’t be king.”
“But muckers are the bringers of evil, you see. If they stop mucking, there’ll be a new scheme!”
“But King …!”
“No buts, the more … or your head will flop out of the door!”


And so it was. The “No More Mucking Proclamation” was spread throughout the land. Even the clergy had to swear, “All mucking must be banned!”     When the people heard it, they were sad. They liked to muck; it made them glad. They continued to lust under the sheets, in the forest and in dark places where no one could see. 
Now, word of secret mucking got back to the king. He screamed, “How can I tell when people muck? I’ll call a census to count the bucks. If there’s more … I’ll know muckers still be.” And so, the king’s counters went to towns and figured how many fooled around. The numbers told that muckers abound. “Those who muck, causes me to cuss! Off with their heads!” the king decreed.


When the soldiers heard the word, they did what they preferred. They sided with those who shouted, “Muck the king!”  Now people have rights and were willing to fight. They stormed the castle and hung the Czar who’d gone too far. Now they’re happy muckers, you see! And that’s how, the fight over nooky started democracy!

Ken, The Wildman, July 17, 2009